Being a spiritual being in a world ridden with doubt, judgements and fear

If you are reading this post, then you probably have some interest in spirituality or maybe you feel confined by the ways of the world and want to be set free; free to explore your own uniqueness, which in my case  is my spirituality and creativity. Whatever it is for you, I hope the post inspires and sparks a light in you in some way. 

So, let me start by taking you on my personal inner journey today ,a journey I have been trying to come to terms with; a journey I am trying to embrace, amidst the fear of judgements and abandonment. 

My quest with my spiritual inner self began in 2012, while on a train in Germany. You may wonder, what happened? To be honest, dear readers, I myself was taken by a surprise. 

Since my childhood, I had an inner voice that always communicated with Lord Ganesha, a God in Hinduism, whenever I found myself troubled or in a dilemma. I was always called upon to recite the Ganesh Aarti whenever Pooja took place at my home or in my father’s office and I happily obliged. But beyond that, I never heard or experienced any kind of spiritual awakening until that fortunate evening in the train in Germany came along. 

Sitting aloof on a side seat, I suddenly felt detached from the world, detached from my own surroundings. I felt that a mind that always thought about the happenings on the outside, suddenly took a deep dive inwards. A dark black cloud hovered inside my mind and my emotions felt numb. I had this strong urge to cry and to return back to my parents in India. 

Coming back to India, my parents and brothers deciphered that I was going through a case of anxiety and depression. Various possible explanations were attempted: 

• It was my first encounter with a completely foreign country and maybe I  felt isolated and inferior. 
• This combined with homesickness, resulted in these deeply disturbing emotions.
• Etc Etc!

Considering it a case of clinical anxiety and depression, I even consulted psychologists and psychiatrists. Although they did offer me some relief, the relief was mild and short-lived and the cure for my inner happenings wasn’t to be found in them. 

The above explanations certainly held the truth in them but Partial Truth and so did the clinical treatments. The other half, I had to discover for myself. Thanks to my beloved Father and Mother, I enrolled myself in spiritual healing and meditation courses. We had no idea what we were doing. What we knew was that we were simply trying to find a cure for the emotional and mental upheavals I was going through.

Sitting in meditations, I realized that my upheavals weren’t simply mental and emotional, but spiritual too. While meditating, I felt my consciousness rising, as if a Divine Consciousness of tremendous light was dawning on me. I felt my heart opening to pure Divine Love like the petals of a Lotus Flower. On the outside, I began to see dark,black clouds and a flash of white light moving right before my eyes alternatively and on the inside, I was witness to a mystic interplay between dark, dense emotions, sitting on my solar plexus and the pure white beam of light opening my Crown and Heart Chakras. In one of the meditation sessions, I saw a snake crawling up my spine, which I later discovered to be the Kundalini Awakening.

Well, what could explain all of this?

I was not sure until I  realized from a deep inner knowing that I was being awakened to my spiritual essence; an essence that would define my purpose in this lifetime; an essence I had lost touch with. I was brought back to my spiritual journey by beings of Divine Light, beings I could hardly see and whose presence my rational mind could hardly acknowledge.

But this path wasn’t all light and glossy. It was a path filled with doubts, fear and judgements. My inner happenings simply seemed irrational and just a play of my mind to many of my close ones. Being involved in meditations and spiritual healings at such a young age of 18, when children of my age were Chilling and having fun, was considered insane and unacceptable. As a consequence, my connection with my close ones weakened and I started fearing keeping them up to date with the latest happenings in my life, which revolved primarily around my spiritual journey, that they could hardly understand.

The fear of being judged and left alone crept in me to such an extent that I started to doubt my own involvement in the spiritual practices. In essence, I did not just lose touch with my closest ones but also with my own self. 

Aaahhhh!!!! What a journey!  Whom did I have to make happy? Myself or other people around me? The thought dawned upon me “ What if they never ever approve of my soul journey? Will I abandon myself because of the fear of being judged and abandoned by them?”

This was a powerful thought that led me back on the right track, the track to my soul, to my spiritual essence. 

I, thus, decided to embark on the Road Less Taken for my own sake and happiness.

I am rising above these fears, on a daily basis. I have started prioritizing my chantings and meditations, no matter what others think about it. The fear still creeps in and grips me “ Oh, what will they think about me? What if they consider me insane and stupid?” I let the fear be. I let the fear take grip of me but I choose Myself and my Happiness above it. Is it an easy feat, you ask me? I would answer, certainly not! But it is certainly better to act out of love for your own sake, than live a fake life in Denial. Isn’t it?

While my earlier blog posts have attempted at explaining the emotional interplay that happens within me, this blog is the first of its kind, attempting at normalizing our spiritual awakenings and journeys. One should be proud and grateful for having gone through such an internal experience and not be bogged down by the judgements that may come in the way from people who may have not had the experience still. More and more people are facing spiritual awakenings in this new Soul Light Era and through this post I would like to reach out to those people, telling them to embrace this side of who they are, one step at a time and to know that they are not alone. Of course, from my own example, I know that it is easier said than done. But saying does help!

I recently heard a quote that resonated with me quite well. See if it does with you too. I would leave you with this:

“ It is better to be judged for who you are, than to be accepted for who you are not”!

Does it make any sense?

Well, if you found my thoughts insightful, do write in the comments.If you would like to connect over mail, please write me on thelightwarrior.11@gmail.com. I wish to help you in the inner transition that you may be encountering at this time.

Hope to hear from you!

Sending you lots of love and light,

Shaivya